Hell

Caelan's been gradually getting worse and the last two days have been absolute hell. It was like pre-losec days but for some reason seemed a lot worse... not sure why, perhaps because he'd been better for a while or perhaps because it's been 3 months of screaming and now I just can't handle it. I don't know but it sure aint fun! This morning was hideous and incredibly hard, I actually felt like I couldn't cope anymore and was really angry. It's not a nice feeling at all. Thank goodness Chris is amazing, I called him and we talked to the sweet sounds of Caelan's screaming. Well actually Chris talked and I cried! It took a long time to get ready amongst the screaming that had been going all morning, but we were finally able to head to Starship.

The Paediatrician was great AND, thank goodness, Caelan was screaming his head off most of the time. Not that I like it when he's doing this, but at least she got to see it. I'm sick of feeling like people think we're over-reacting and that he's not bad at all. I want to tell them to come and live with him and see how "lovely and happy" he is. She was awesome and although her sheets said he was on the dosage he should be on, she called the hospital gastro-something-or-other specialist and said that she's got a severe case of reflux and wanted to know what he could be put up to based on his weight. We can triple what he's currently on - horray! She could hear him refluxing constantly the whole time there and in obvious pain with it. She heard his rattling as well and said it's all related and it should calm down once it's managed better with the higher dosage. She saw the video and thinks that it looks like really severe pain overtaking him and thinks that it's probably related to the reflux as well. She said to keep an eye on it, manage it as we have been and if it's still happening when the reflux is managed better they'll look into it more. She then asked how I'm coping and if I've got the support that's vital with a reflux baby, of course this bought on the tears! I told her that I'd been ok but it's now getting hard after three months of it. She was so lovely and I feel much better about things now that I know it'll hopefully be better again with the higher dosage. We're seeing her again in two weeks. It feels good to finally feel like we're being taken seriously and that things are going to get better. God I hope so anyway because I really don't think I can take much more of this!