Siahn Anahera Clark

At 42 weeks pregnant I finally got my first contraction at about 6:15am on Tuesday the 13th of May. I think I was about to wake and the pain of it made sure I definitely did, I lay there for a while thinking OUCH! and wondering if that was a contraction. I kinda thought it was because the night before we'd walked up the driveway to feed the horses and I got pretty severe back pain, I don't know why I thought that meant anything but I did. I lay there for a while longer thinking about how I was feeling and waiting for more pain, sure enough I got another one about 6 minutes later. WOW! This might just be it!!! They were pretty strong and full-on too, not at all what I'd been told or read about how it started. I then got up and went to the loo and got back into bed just before getting the third around 5 minutes later again, just as Chris' alarm went off at 6:30am. I told him I think he'd better let his bosses know he wont be in today as I've just had three contractions and they seem to be around 5 minutes apart and pretty strong. I'd read and been told that they start like period pain and pretty mild and further apart, so that's what I'd been expecting, I'd also expected that the first stage of labour would last a day, at least half a day and that I'd been fine to get some stuff done (including pack my bag! hehe Hopeless huh?!?!). Chris started timing and they were 5 minutes apart lasting around 30-40 seconds and pretty strong, enough to make me really take notice and be in quite a bit of pain. Within an hour they were really strong, so that I had to concentrate on relaxing and breathing through them, so we thought I'd better call my midwife as we'd never discussed when to call her - so I made the call to find out when to call! I told her that I'd been having what I can only imagine are contractions and they're 5 minutes apart and lasting around 45 seconds, she asked how long I'd been having them and I told her an hour, she then told me that I should ignore those as it could go on for a day or two like that. Christ all mighty woman! There is no way these could go on for two days like that - I sure as hell couldn't anyway! They were really sore and strong by then. She seemed rather irritated by me calling after just an hour and I explained that I just wanted to know when she wanted to hear from me as we hadn't discussed it. She said usually she would tell people to call her when they were 5 minutes apart, but only getting the first one an hour ago, it was highly unlikely that I was even in labour yet. Phft! Not in labour - by then I knew I definitely was in labour and it was happening quickly. She told me to call her when they were lasting a minute.

They got stronger and stronger each time, I had a shower to try to ease the pain which was growing strongly in my back as time wore on. By now I was really breathing through them and having to focus on relaxing, along with the moaning in pain of course! I was able to eat some porridge, not sure how, I didn't want it at all and I was in horrendous pain. It seemed like no time and they were lasting a minute and sometimes 3 minutes apart - these were really strong buggers too! I called back and let her know, she still seemed unconvinced that I was in labour, telling me to meet her at Botany and she would see if I was in labour, if I wasn't I'd have to come home, if I was we'd go straight to Middlemore so bring my bag. Hhhhmmm my bag... SHIT! My bag!!! Got off the phone and started attempting to get dressed and pack my bag - wow this was a feat and a half! I just couldn't do it! There I was thinking I'd be able to get a load of washing done, wait for it to dry, get it in, fix a fence with Chris and move the miniature horses, all while in first stage labour - getting these far apart polite little period pain contractions I heard so much about. Ha fucking ha! No way!! With my excruciating doubling-over totally impolite contractions I could barely put my bloody undies on!!! They were coming so hard and fast that I would not even get over one before the next one started - good lord, how on earth was I going to survive the car ride to Botany?!?! Not to mention the one to Middlemore after that, yes after that, meaning the contractions would be harder and closer together. I couldn't imagine it, but it still frightened the shit out of me. I couldn't pack my bag at all, Chris had to come in and do it while I leaned over furniture dying of incredible back pain - which soon Chris was rubbing my back frantically through to try to ease some of it. Shit people weren't wrong when they said that posterior labours are excruciating with unbelievable back pain. Not wrong there. The contractions themselves were sore and through a few of them I was rubbing my abdomen to ease the burning pain, but that was something I could handle, it was really sore but not kill-me type sore like the back pain.

Finally the bag was packed and I was in the car, dying through another hideous contraction. I was in the back seat really pulling against the back and front headrests to get me through the contractions that were much stronger now. I couldn't imagine making it all the way there, but of course I had to so I just focused myself and tried to relax in between and really think about all of me relaxing so I truly was before the next one came. I don't remember how many I had on the way there but it wasn't fun. I just wanted to be standing and leaning against something as I had been at home. When we got there I promptly hurled in the carpark in front of some man who was more than likely horribly grossed out by me. We were parked right outside the front door but I still managed to have two contractions on the way in leaning on Chris. I felt pretty horrible by now, with the nausea and totally wiped out by how hard and fast it had all started. Gill (my midwife) asked if my waters had broken "No" and had I had a show "No", I think this just made her think even more that I wasn't in labour. But when she checked me she announced "Well you're definitely in labour and are halfway there. 5cm dilated." That was such a relief because if she had have told me to go home I would have just cried and refused to leave! hehe She told us to head straight to Middlemore and she'd meet us there. Fuck, another car ride, well this might just kill me I thought.

But no, I survived, to make another spewing and contracting entrance in the carpark there at around 12:30pm. It was horribly embarrassing cause there were so many people around, I went to the front of the car to get my lean on and promptly hurled as the contraction started. It so hard to focus on heaving and dying at once! But I also managed this quite well and thankfully we got a carpark right next to the entrance. We walked in and I had another contraction on Chris infront of the elevator, with the silly girlie at the coffee bar next to me laughing. Arsehole. May bad things happen to her for that!

Upstairs in our delivery suite I spewed my way through more painful back contractions with Chris pressing really hard on my lower back through them, and then Gill gave me something for the nausea, which was great when it kicked in! Wahoo no more vomiting!! I was hooked up to a machine to track the contractions and one to monitor the baby, though this kept on falling off and after a while a monitor was attached to the baby's head. A catheter was put in - ugh, but made things way more comfortable. And I was used as a pin cushion while they tried to put a lure in for liquid and drugs. Wow this took a long time, Chris said he had to stop watching after a while because it looked too brutal. Felt too brutal too!! The membranes ruptured at 1pm and things kept on as they had been for a while and then backed off, the contractions really slowed down but were still really strong and getting worse for my back. It picked up again and it got to the point that I seriously thought I was going to die from the pain. That sounds crazy now, but that's how bad it was. I felt incredibly ill, shaky and like there was something really wrong with me. I just wasn't there, even in between contractions I wasn't there. Chris said I looked horrible and not there as well, he said I was a horrible colour and looked like I was going to pass out or had a lot of the time. It really was horrible. After talking about an epidural with Gill and her explaining that it would pretty much take away the pain and enable me to rest, she said she thought it would be a good idea, so I said I wanted one. Waiting for the epidural to be organised and the anesthetist to become available was the worst time because everything was getting stronger and worse - I was at the point of shouting and crying through contractions due to the back pain and telling Chris it's going to kill me. The gas did nothing, like absolutely nothing. Because it was doing nothing I kept stopping taking it but was told by everyone there to keep breathing it. So I did. I think because it gave me something to focus on and make me keep breathing.

Getting the epidural in place during the contractions was soooooo hard. I had to be in a horrible position on my side and keep still through the contractions - wow, what an ask! It took a while, but once the epidural took effect it pretty much took away the contraction pain but the back pain was still there, slightly eased, but still really bad. After an hour more of painful back contractions (pretty much didn't notice the actual contraction pain anymore at all) the anesthetist was called back in, they tested the block and explained that I wasn't getting the coverage I should have been from it. Sheesh - I didn't really need telling! They topped it up and we waited for that to take effect - it was heaps better. I still had bad back pain but it was handleable. Thank god!!! At 5:30pm Gill checked me again and I was 10cm - fully dilated! Yay! Although the baby was nowhere near where it should be, argh! At one stage the babys heart was doing some dicky things which concerned Gill a little and another Dr came in to look at the chart and then decided to come back in 10 minutes to see how things were doing. Gill said if it continued we'd have to get the baby out via emergency caesarean. But when the Dr came back it had all settled down again and the contractions had slowed down as well. After a few more hours they picked up again and when they'd been around 3-4 minutes apart for quite some time Gill said I should start pushing to try to move this baby down.

The pushing started, it was so difficult and tiring. After about an hour or so Gill asked if it felt like I was pushing my baby down with the contractions and my answer was "Not at all!". I was getting tired and it really didn't feel like it was doing anything. Gill then turned the epidural back to half of what it had been on - I'm thinking now that she thought I couldn't feel anything. Though I actually meant that the baby didn't feel like it was moving down at all. Anyway once this took effect my back got much worse again. Chris was amazing throughout all of this, putting pressure on my back when I needed it (I know it would have been killing his hands after a while) and really supporting me wonderfully, telling me how well I was doing and encouraging me through the pushing. Gill disappeared a few times and then told me that a Dr would come in an examine me, I knew that it ending in emergency c-section was a possibility and I'd told Gill that I would be fine with it, I'd gone into labour, I'd tried and done everything I could. Well the Dr examined me through a contraction and afterwards she said that there's no way this baby is going to be born vaginally and it would have to be caesarean. I cried. I didn't expect to feel so disappointed, I knew it may happen and I thought I was fine. But I wasn't, it was so disappointing, after all of that and then it still couldn't happen. I got so close to having the birth I wanted, but it just didn't happen. I lay there and said "Ok" as the tears streamed down my face. Chris was stroking my hair and telling me I did amazingly and that I did all I could. I just nodded and silently cried. He lent down and hugged me as the Dr and Gill went about the business of organising the emergency caesarean.

It seemed to take forever for this to be arranged and the whole time the contractions were coming really hard and fast and everything in me was telling me to keep pushing, but everyone around me was telling me not to push and just breath through the contractions. That was so hard. I was in agony again by now and totally unplugged from all the drugs. Shortly I was again crying through the contractions and saying "My back! My back! It's going to kill me". It was a horrible journey in the bed to the operating room, a haze of moving corridors and incredible pain. Again I was amazed at all the people in the room (as I was with Caelan) and they were pretty quick at getting the epidural into me and up to the right level of no feeling. Thank god! I think it took around half an hour to get this up to the right level though because it had apparently pretty much totally worn off - no wonder I was dying again. We were told that it would take longer as they were dealing with an already scarred uterus etc.

Well it sure did take a very long time and shortly after I was told that all the cuts had been made and they were about to get the babies head out, things changed. There were a lot of horrible pulling sensations and awful feelings, I was told that my babies head was nearly out, more really ugly feelings, then they said the body was getting pulling out now. I heard the cry and immediately I cried and smiled. My baby. It's such an amazing feeling hearing that first cry. I was being told that it was a beautiful baby and had lots of hair. I was then asked if I'd like to know what it was and I said I'd like Chris to tell me. I was dying to know and he wasn't telling me, I was lying there hearing that cry with tears running down my face. I heard Chris ask if it was a girl and then Gill was holding the baby and walking past me, as she held the baby in front of me but it wasn't low enough and I still couldn't see. "What is it?" I asked and Chris turned from the table where they were checking the baby and said "A girl!". He was no longer a person, he was just a smile. A huge walking smile. I watched him and cried. The feeling of love I felt for him as I watched him looking at her with such joy was amazing. I lay there watching him with a big smile as the tears were getting wiped from my face for me. We had a girl. A little girl. Our little girl.

It was quite a while later that I realised the feeling in there had changed from being pretty relaxed to very tense and urgent feeling. Gill went from being normal to very concerned and looking worried, she started asking me if I was ok a lot more and holding my hand or rubbing my arm or head. She was asking Chris if he was alright a lot as well and rubbing his hand or arm. It struck me as kinda weird as I thought she would have seen all of this a lot, why is she so concerned. I nearly asked if something had happened and turned to look at the girlie that was always by my left shoulder explaining what was happening. But she wasn't there, she'd appeared suddenly and put more drugs in and looked kinda worried too while telling me that it will make the pulling sensation I might be feeling go away. I was feeling like I could vomit again and was given something for that. Chris was soon next to me with our little girl snuggled up on his chest having skin to skin. I couldn't see her well but it was wonderful to look at her being held so close to Chris. It felt nice to know that she was bonding straight away with him seeing as though she couldn't be put straight on the boob. After a while Gill came over and put her on me against my face - that was awesome, she was too close to see but I was able to talk to her and kiss her. After a while I thought I was gonna vomit on her so she was taken off, that wouldn't have been a good welcome to the world! I was given more drugs for the nausea. As I lay there I thought I heard from their hushed talkings something about my uterus and tearing. Though I wasn't sure and was going to ask again what had happened but I couldn't see anyone to ask and got distracted by our little girl. It took a very long time for them to stitch me up but when it was finally done we headed down to recovery.

Gill put our little girl on my breast and she started suckling immediately. What a clever girl!!! After so long as well and she just knew what to do. I was so worried that she wouldn't know after Caelan, but she was great. Then the surgeon came in and explained that there had been complications and when they were trying to get her head up and out my uterus had torn down the left hand side as had my cervix and top of my vagina. She explained that she stitched these up as best she could and she was happy with the job she'd done, though due to the nature of the tearing and where it was not all of it could be stitched and that hopefully these will bind and heal themselves. There was concern that they'd nicked my left kidney as well and I would need a scan on Thursday to check the status of my left kidney and bladder. It was weird listening to all of this being explained to me and thinking 'Wow, this sounds serious and it all just happened to me while I was awake and here I am hearing about it all'. It was odd, we were told a Doctor would come to see me in the morning and answer any questions and go over the implications this has on subsequent pregnancies. When she finished explaining everything that had gone wrong, Chris asked if it was serious and she said if things dont heal properly then it could be serious. I asked how this would effect recovery and if it would be longer because of the tearing, she said that it wouldn't, it would be the same 6 weeks recovery as a normal c-section but I would be in a lot more pain initially (christ she wasn't wrong!!!! The pain was incredible!). She explained that I would need a check up in 12 weeks and again in 6 months. I thanked her and off she went. We were soon taken up to our room and I was able to feed Siahn properly. We have our little girl! That's the end of kids for us now after all that drama unfortunately, so we're soooo thankful that we got our girl, we have one of each and that's pretty damned lucky.

Siahn Anahera Clark
13 May 2008
10:06pm
3.77kg
54cm

Here are photos of her extraction :) I found out afterwards that my uterus was outside my body for over an hour while they located and mended the rest of the tearing. Gill was horrified by it all, she'd never seen it be taken out of the body before, let alone for so long! You can see my uterus sitting there in one of the photos - so weird to look at your organs outside of your body!

Best friends and the overstayer ;)

This is Caelan and George walking through the gardens on Wednesday, they're so adorable together. Last time we left their house after a visit Caelan said in the car "George makes me happy" with a big smile on his face. Sooooo lovely, he loves his George.



And though it might be cute to have a record of the overdue ticker of this bubba. hehe

It's a tumor, it really is

Well - obviously, there is still not bubba and no sign of one coming ANYTIME soon. Had to go in to be hooked up the monitor yesterday to check the baby and everything is fine there, so that's good. Then it was time for the dreaded stretch and sweep - which sounds truly revolting. I'd prepared myself for this, since she offered last Friday to perform one on the spot - you can't do that lady! One needs to mentally prepared for a hand being shoved up one's gynie infront of their 2 year old!! Not to mention be looking pretty and to at least have some make-up on! hehe So I politely declined saying that I would have one next week once I have mentally prepared. Soooo I prepared myself mentally, and physically - which again involved numerous mirrors at different angles! What a feat!!! I tell ya, I'm pretty bloody proud of myself and all looked delightfully respectable down there after the rather difficult maneuvers. Legs even got shaved for the first time in Christ knows how long - lovely jubbly! I dressed real pretty for my special date, put some Chanel No.5 on, did my make-up real nice and headed off for my gynie poking.

So the baby was great and everything looked fantastic - yay! Then she asked me to take my undies off, ewww, here it comes. It was a dreadful experience and the worst thing about it was I went through all that indignity for NOTHING! My cervix is the highly unfavourable. I don't know what the hell that means, but apparently there's a level between 1 and 8, with 8 being the most favourable and ready. Well mine was a 0. She found the cervix and my naughty uncooperative 0 leveled cervix didn't want to know about the exercise or house work - no stretch and sweep for me thanks ladies hand, get on your merry way and leave me alone! So she couldn't do anything. The end.

Before she did that she asked if the baby felt nice and low and I told her it didn't, I'd told her last time I saw her that two days before I noticed it had really moved up, though she said it felt ok and quite far down. Well during the poking she said that the babies head isn't anywhere near down there, it's very high and not at all where it should be. Felt like saying "TOLD YOU SO, GOH!!!!" and I pretty much did, but in a less childish way. hehe I said "Yeah I didn't think it was, I had felt uncomfortable and like it was really low for a few days and then really noticed it was much higher as I mentioned, and never got back to that low uncomfortable feeling". Sheesh - I know what I can feel lady! She said she doesn't think the baby will make an appearance any time soon and I said I didn't either - she said she can't see it happening for another week and a half at least. I don't know what I think but it's certainly not anytime soon, I know that much.

She told me that at my Specialist appointment this afternoon I have to be certain about what I want and tell him that - which I would do anyway. Basically this appointment is about deciding to book an induction or c-section, I asked her if I'd be able to wait another week before doing that and she said to ask and see what the specialist says after the scan. If there is an issue with liquid then we'll have to book something to get it out, but she thinks if there isn't any issue and the Specialist thinks it's ok then I may be able to buy more time. This is what I'd like to do. Chris is coming to the appointment again and we're going to talk to him regarding our concerns about induction and why we have those concerns, based on experiences we know about. We want to hear what he's got to say. My midwife thinks that because I really want a VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean) that it would be such a shame to have to book another c-section without trying induction. She just reiterated that from the first time we met I told her that's what I really want and this might be the only way I get it. So Chris is prepared to talk about it now which is a good thing, he really wants a "normal" experience of labour and birth too, but is incredibly worried and scared. It just sucks that the two people we know firsthand who have had labour experiences after c-section have ended really badly, one the worst with baby dying and the other a rupture but thankfully nothing happened to the baby as the surgeon had already made the incision and the baby popped out through that rather than into her stomach cavity. So it is pretty scary stuff but we'll talk to him and listen, then decide.

Caelan - well he's just great! We went for a lovely walk around the Botanic Gardens with Maria and George and he's still sleeping now. Lovely stuff! Will have to wake him soon to get ready for appointment. All's going really well with him though, he's pretty whingy and cries a lot at the moment though. Cries and wants a lot of cuddles - which is nice but can get VERY tiring, the crying thing for no reason especially. He'll come up to me crying for no reason and asking for a cuddle, if I'm trying to do something or get us ready to go out I explain to him that I can't right now and I'll give him a cuddle soon, well it's all on from there. Hopefully this needy crying phase ends soon cause I just can't see it working so well with a needy crying newborn who has no choice but to be just that. Hopefully it is just a phase or related to his last molars that were showing through a while ago, but have disappeared again. That's that for now.

Still no bubba

We're playing the waiting game, whilst putting pushy specialists and their talk of c-section off! hehe All is going well though, I'm feeling ok. Well aside from the constant bloody pain I'm in of course! I'm getting pretty tired of that, gets to ya being in so much pain constantly I tell ya! Saw midwife on Friday again, she spoke briefly of induction again but I'd told her last week that we didn't want to go down that path and I just confirmed that with her again. Chris is DEAD against it and I'm not that happy myself due to the extra risk it brings, so it's not an option for us. It may have been something that I might have considered, even though the risks of rupture are higher, had we not known of someone first hand with exactly the same situation as ours, end in the worst way possible. Their first baby was breech and had to be c-section with no labour before hand (like Caelan), she was told that this baby was larger than average but was given the option of induction at 41 weeks, which she took because, like me, she was desperate for a natural birth. Her uterus ruptured at the previous scar site, the baby went through the rupture into her stomach cavity and died there during labour. She also nearly died, was very, very sick and has had numerous operations to try to fix up her uterus. There is now no guarantee that she will ever get pregnant again and if she can, they're not sure whether she'd be able to hold a baby in her uterus. Sooooo very sad. Poor, poor people. So due to that (although we knew there was a higher risk anyway), just knowing people first hand makes it that much more real. So it's just not an option for us - perhaps if I had laboured previously or if this baby wasn't large... who knows. But with everything as it is, all pointing to a higher risk of rupture, it's just no go thanks very much. The next specialist appointment is on Wednesday, my midwife wanted on sooner but there wasn't one available, which is good! Cause that's just buying me more time for it to happen in the meantime. I'll be having another scan then to check the liquid around the baby and everything else, then we'll talk about the plan and options again. That's that on this baby that doesn't wanna come out!

Caelan's really good, he's pretty much over his cold now. Still kinda boogery, but nothing too bad, the cough has pretty much gone now too which is super duper good. He's just sooooo lovely and clever and funny. He comes up with the most amazing things. The other day he sat down in his little armchair in his room and told me that he's sitting in his thinking chair to think, think, thiiiiiink - with the last "think" sung. It was soooooo cute! It happens on Blues Clues (one of his favourite things in the entire universe to watch) and he just picked it up from there and copied, singing the song and doing the cute actions. He's lovely - so clever, bossy and adorable. He'll have a hard time getting used to the new baby at the start. Makes us sad to think about it, but he'll be fine.

He went for his 2 year Plunket check-up on Wednesday and is 93cm tall and 16.6kg - his weight was really surprising considering he'd lost so much when sick. And what was even more surprising was that he was off the chart with his weight. He's not even chubby or anything - that's just odd that he'd be off the chart. He was still on the chart with height but right along the top where he'd always been. Apparently if you double the height they are at 2 years old, that's the height they'll be as an adult - if that's the case he'll be 6ft 1.1in. Be interesting to see if that works out being the case. We always thought he'd be taller than that so we'll see.

*yawn* What a time!

Things haven't been the best for us, Caelan had this horrid stomach thing for just over two weeks, samples have been sent off for testing so I hope like heck they find something. He's still not feeling 100% but is sooooo much better. We think it was a virus to start with that then got bad because his stomach is damaged anyway from the reflux and/or celiac. Soooo after we have the results from those tests I think it's about time he get the blood test for celiac disease as well so we know for sure if he's got it as well. We know the reflux is still a problem but I feel like this may be as well, it would make sense anyway with me having it and celiac suffers will have reflux problems as well. So better test and then we know.

Sleeping has been CRAP due to vomiting all the time at night and being so sick for so long and now it's still really bad. We think it may be a habit now after the sickness, but it's hard to tell because he's really snotty now and has a croaky voice so he could actually be feeling bad with a cold. Either way - it SUCKS! We all had pretty much no sleep last night because he cried the whole time, he would cry for an hour or so, then sleep for half an hour to an hour before waking and crying again for ages. It would take SOOOOOO long to settle him and then it would seem like we'd just get to sleep after it and he was crying again. We gave up and bought him into bed with us at around 4am because it was too hard, he finally stopped crying and went to sleep just after 5am sometime. So at least we got two hours sleep then. Argh - I feel dreadful, Caelan is super tired and grumpy and I just spoke with Chris and he's struggling at work. This IS NOT what we need right before the baby is born, and the worst thing is it'll still be happening once the baby is born. He's so hard to "fix" once he's broke like this. Then I'd say he'll have at least a night with Chris' parents when I'm having the baby, unless it all happens nice and quickly during the day and he can come home that night with Chris and in an ideal world, me and the baby :) Otherwise it's longer crap nights, for some reason when ever he stays there he comes back bung in the sleep department. Not that we think it's anything to do with him being there, it's just that's the only place he stays away from home. We think it just must be the being away from home that does it to him. He doesn't make having a break easy! Evil boy!!! LOL

This baby... well when I saw the midwife last Friday she was concerned about the size, thinking it's going to be too dangerous to birth it naturally at full term at the rate it's growing. The risk of rupturing my scar is too high she thinks, considering my uterus is "un-tried" (i.e. no contractions or labour before) and all that pressure is too risky. So she said we need to get this baby out as soon as possible, she gave me some natural get-it-started remedy which I took the first lot of on Friday and will take the next lot soon. It started a whole lot of movement but that's about it really. It's all getting pretty stressful because we have soooooo much to do, for the last two weekends we've been out doing fencing and stuff which has caused some pretty intense pain, but then once I'm resting at night it eases. Not really things I should be doing at this stage but it's just so hard because it's things we need to do and things we can't do with Caelan around so we have to make the most of the time that Chris' parents want him - so that means going crazy as soon as he's away.

We had heaps to do last weekend which was causing major stress and freak-outs from me after the midwife appointment and knowing that this baby really needs to come now to get the natural birth or even just a labour that I so desperately want. Thankfully wonderful Maria and Sean offered to help out and have Caelan over to play with George on Saturday afternoon and we got two fences done really quickly (we did them at warp speed!) and some clearing out in the back paddock so the horses didn't hurt themselves which was good. Freakin' sore for me and giving Chris a heart attack to see me dragging heavy posts etc around the paddock, but if it has to be done, it has to be done right? There's still a billion things to do, it sucks trying to do things with a toddler around - you just can't do it. But this morning as I talked about all the things we still have left to do Chris' Mum offered to have Caelan on Friday so that will be great. It just sucks not having family around for things like this - it would be so much easier if I had family around to take him while we get things done. Last week was a HORRIBLE week, with Caelan and us having been sick for so long, very little sleep for too long, way to much stress about everything we have to do and not being able to do it, no money, the baby coming real soon, natural birth slipping further away etc. - it was a horrible, majorly stressful time that totally exploded for the last half of the week. But being able have that space on Saturday (thanks Maria and Sean - you are wonderful!!!!!) to go crazy and get things done really helped out. Chris and I were finally talking again and not screaming at each other after that - yay! They made us dinner (an amazing dinner) for when we picked him up so we didn't have to think about feeding ourselves - yay for them!!!! Then Chris' parents wanted Caelan for the afternoon on Sunday which was great, so we got more done, finished the paddock and did some more clearing out, moved the horses in and then were able to start on the baby's room (if you can call it that!). I felt like I could breath a little easier, things had been way too much for us for a while and were really getting ontop of me in my emotional, hormonal state, but after being able to make a start on the things we need to get done before the baby is born it's feeling a little better. Still majorly scary and stressful when I think about things too much, like what we still have to do and buy, the ever mounting bills, the state of our hideously overdrawn account... and the list goes on so I just wont think about it!!! But at least we we able to get a lot done last weekend and that feels better and we are able to look forward to getting more done on Friday. YAY!

Anyway... ramble! Must have needed to get that out! hehehe I see the midwife again on Thursday and we'll discuss the plan further, in the meantime I'll be doing all I can to get things started before then! There is the option of induction but she said the risk of rupture goes up even more then due to the nature and force of the contractions they give. Chris is not keen on doing anything that is going to be more risky. So we'll see what Thursday brings. We had the magic dinner last night that is supposed to bring on labour and so far nothing! hehe Though like any of these things they will work if you're ready, but if you're not, you're just not and neither is the baby. But it wont hurt to try right?!?

So much vomit!

It all started last Tuesday, the day after his birthday. Caelan had a relatively normal day, had still been complaining of a sore tummy every now and then but things seemed like they'd been fine and moved on from the feverish tummy bug. He had dinner and got ready for bed as usual, went to sleep easily and woke after just over an hour of sleeping crying strangely. Usually if he wakes crying we'll leave him for 10 or so minutes to see if he'll settle himself, but this cry wasn't normal - he sounded really sad. Chris went in and I heard him say "Oh Buddy...", for some reason I knew he'd vomited. I went in and his room reeked, he'd spewed everywhere through his bed and all over himself in his sleep. Poor boy, he was so sad and feeling so horrible. We cleaned him up and then I sat with him in our bed while Chris cleaned up and changed his bed. Poor little kid sat cuddling me crying and feeling horrible, with the vomit coming every 15 minutes. It was horrible and I just wanted it to stop - he felt so dreadful. After a while he stopped crying in between vomiting but would cry again as he obviously felt more sick just before, he would cry and say "I'm sick" and then he'd be heaving again. This 15 minute vomiting continued on till 4am, he got to the stage where he was asleep propped in our bed between us and when the crying in his sleep would start, we'd lean him forward to vomit and then he'd cry and whimper some more before falling back onto the pillows asleep again. So sad to watch. But after 4am it ended so we put him back to bed, leaving the door open to hear him.

We took him to the Doctor the next day with him spewing all over himself and the car on the way there, were told it's a virus and should be gone within 24 to 48 hours. We got some more paracetamol and some pedialyte to replace the fluids (but he hates it and wont drink it!). The vomit continued, and continued and continued - never as frequent as it started but it was every day never the less (sometimes more, sometimes only a few times) and every night in his sleep. We thought he'd had his last episode on Saturday night in his sleep because he had a much better Sunday than he'd had since it started. He wasn't crying and saying he had a sore tummy and finally ate - he had a small breakfast, small lunch and small dinner - WAHOOO!!!! He pretty much hasn't been eating since having it, only eats a tiny amount of something once a day, we'd been really careful with what he'd been eating, no milk the whole time etc, nothing too rich, nothing that would upset an already upset tum etc. and has lost soooooo much weight. Makes us so sad. His nappies that he'd nearly outgrown now fit him easily again, his clothes are lose and he feels really small and light. Sucks - he was weighed when he went in to the Doctor after the first night of vomit and he was 17kg, I'd say he's nowhere near that now. Poor little kid. At least he wasn't skinny to begin with, otherwise he'd really be suffering now.

Anyway, it isn't over as we'd hoped. Chris' Mum wanted him for the day yesterday and on Sunday night I said that he'd been better but I'd like to see what he night was like and that I'd let her know in the morning. Anyway after his good night on Sunday night I felt ok about him going for the day yesterday. But I was silly and didn't say not to give milk - when we spoke to him in the evening we learned how silly I was to not mention it! He'd had a big glass of milk after not eating much dinner, so I explained the type of cry he does if he spews in his sleep because I was certain it would happen after the milk, we asked if she could call us if it happened cause we wanted to go there to be with him, sure enough he spewed in his sleep again last night, poor little boy. We got the call at around 1am after he was back in bed and asleep though, so we lay there worrying about him, then I got annoyed with Chris' snoring as I lay there unable to sleep for pretty much the rest of the night. My poor, poor little boy. I spoke to him this morning and it made me cry when he said he loves me. I just wish he wasn't sick. It's not fair to be this sick for so long fuck it.

2 years old today!

Where has two years gone???? It's crazy to think that we have a two year old little boy - but the proof is "right here", as he says "I'm right here Mama" patting his chest when I call him. He really is the most amazing little thing, he astounds me every day with what he knows and his amazing nature and delightful personality. I'm so proud to say I'm his mother and it makes my heart smile when he says "I love you Mama". He truly is a lovely, lovely little boy.

We had a quiet day at home yesterday after the crazy birthday party, we did some painting - that ended up with the three of us being painted. Caelan thought it was great fun to paint Mama and Daddy, while we painted him!

He started today with a special birthday hot chocolate drink with his weetbix this morning and had a lovely morning with Lily who came to play with him for his birthday till just after lunch. What a nice day for him!

Oh here's a pic of some of the kids playing on the trampoline at his birthday party and then some of painting yesterday and birthday breakfast today, then playing with Lily.

Birthday party madness

Caelan's birthday party was yesterday and we had 15 toddlers here. It was chaos! But they all had a great time, Caelan had so much fun having all his friends here. We'd bought 100 balloons and had most of them on the trampoline - which was the star attraction. We also had the sandpit, plane swing, other swing, all of Caelan's bikes plus the bigger toys we hired - a sit on digger, two kid spinning ride, rocking 3 kid alligator and slide. There certainly wasn't a lack of fun things to do. In our stressful rush leading up to it (lordy, lordy it sure was stressful!) we didn't get a lot of things done - we'd planned to have Caelan's double tent with adjoining tunnel set up outside but didn't, there was food we didn't do as well (though there certainly wasn't a shortage of food!!! The kids just weren't really interested in eating, it was all about playing) and one of the activities (decorating cookie pig faces to take home) didn't happen - perhaps we'll make them and put them into the already named bags and post them as a thank you. Chris and I are both still sick with a virus so felt horrible the whole day and my back and pelvis pain was just killing me. I swear if there wasn't people around, sometimes I would have been screaming or crying in pain! Due to us not feeling the best taking photos or video footage just didn't happen. Which is a real bummer, but never mind - we got a few but it would have been great to get some of all the kids playing and going crazy. We got a few of cake time and pressies though, so at least that's something.

The cake was a huge success though I've gotta say! We were sooooo happy with the end result - we thought the cat cake from last year would surely make any other cake we made a disappointment in our eyes. But no! We were so happy with this years too and he loved it. We were up till 2am doing the cake and blowing up balloons and other stuff we could do while Caelan slept. Then it was swimming first thing in the morning, luckily we were able to drop him off to Chris' parents after swimming so we had a couple of hours to do more of the preparations. He was dropped home after lunch and we had heaps to do while he slept... But he had a different story! He was not sleeping! He screamed for a while and then played for a bit in his room before deciding to scream again - we gave up and got him up at about 2pm. I was ready to cry/kill/run away/vomit/die at this stage and a 2 years olds birthday party with a million people was the LAST thing I wanted - but it wasn't about me.

He loved it so much that this morning he went running to the door shouting excitedly "Birthday party! Birthday party", he looked out over the deserted party-lands with all the toys and balloons and got sad. He looked up at me nearly crying and sobbed "People for my birthday party???..." and I told him that his birthday party was yesterday and it's finished now. He didn't like this and his voice cracked with the threat of a huge break-down "All the people come birthday party". Poor, funny little boy. Whenever the dogs have barked today he runs to the french doors exclaiming "Everybody's here! Everybody's here now!" looking at the gate. So he had a wonderful time and loved his birthday party.

Nappy is for sleep time only

He's doing so well with the toilet training, the only time he wears a nappy is for sleeping. He's bare-bummed the whole day and just takes himself to the toilet whenever he needs to go and shouts excited for me to look. It's so great! We then go through a ritual of emptying the potty into the toilet and he flushes, then he choses a treat from the treat jar. This sits on top of the microwave so he can see it all the time and be reminded that when he goes to the toilet in the toilet or potty he gets a treat. We haven't had one accident at all. It's awesome! So the next step is to move to undies only, then undies and pants over the top. We'll keep doing what we've been doing for another week and then move on I reckon.

He had such a horrible night last night, woke at 2am screaming oddly and was burning up. Horrendous fever, like fire to touch and he was shaking and twitching. So scary. We took his jarmies off and put wet flannels all over him to cool him down. Finally got pamol into him when he calmed enough and he got a bit better, his temperature was just over 40 by then and he wasn't shaking or twitching as much. We'd gotten dressed and were gonna take him to hospital, but then he got happier and seemed a bit better, even though he was still really hot, at about 4am he asked to go back to bed. So I put him in bed with just a nappy on and lay in bed listening to his fitful, whimpering and moaning sleep with lots of sleep talking, he slept for about an hour before waking crying again. He came back into bed to sit with us and get more flannels and cold water, really not happy and still hot, he then asked to go back to bed at about 7am or just after. When he woke at 8:30am he was crying, shaking and twitching again but not as hot - took him to the Dr and temp had gone down to just over 39. Dr couldn't find anything else wrong with him - apart from the fever. He hasn't had runny poos, was totally fine and happy all yesterday, doesn't have a cold, ears fine, throat fine. Anyway we got more drugs to get the fever down and the Dr said to get him a iceblock straight away to try to get the fever down more. He's not interested in eating anything and is horribly pale, like a ghost and mottled looking. But he ate half the iceblock and the paracetamol and ibuprofen have made him feel much better. Really not himself though - he looks horrible, real pale and eyes look awful. Makes me so sad. So we had a hideous night here and are all VERY tired. Hopefully that's the end of it and he has a better sleep tonight.

Photos...

Ginger bread rabbits Caelan decorated at the Easter Egg hunt day he went to in the weekend.


Finding his first Easter egg at the hunt.


Ooohhhh there's another one!


Hhmmmm, how do I get outta here?


Caelan's first real chocolate easter bunny from Makere, John and Lenni - he only ate the ears before a panicking Mama took it off him! hehe


Oooohhhhh and the braxton hicks I had after all that work... I told my midwife about them the following day and she looked at me in what looked like a combination of shock, anger and disbelief and promptly told me that they weren't braxton hicks, it was in fact a whole lot of uterine action and mild contractions from doing too much. She asked what I'd done in the weekend and couldn't believe it when I told her, I was told off and told to TAKE IT EASY! If I don't I will bring on labour and I don't want that do I?!?! No thank you. But it's all very well for her to say, she's not the one that has sooooo much to do it's just not funny. But I will try to slow down and make sure I don't push myself like that again.

YIPPEEEEE!!

Well he's been back an hour now and has gone wee wees on the potty twice. HORRAY! What a clever little boy.

He did poos in the potty! He did poos in the potty!

Yes siree Bob!! It was such an exciting time and he did it all by himself! I was doing the dishes, Chris was in the laundry and Caelan was playing in his room. He then called out to me "I push out wee wees on the potty Mama!", I went in to him and he was sitting on the potty, I asked him if he did a wee wee and he said "Yes!" really happily, I then smelled poos and asked him if he did a poo poo too and he answered "Yes I did!" proudly. I was soooooooo excited and happy and oh so proud. Chris rushed in with all the excitement and we had a big happy, excited time over it together. So cool! He took himself to the potty and did one's and two's all by himself!!! What a good clever little boy.

It was such a shame that we were so busy with painting and stuff because that would have been a great moment to really focus on it and keep it going, but as we had all the painting to do and he was going to grandma and granddad's for the day it had to get left for the rest of the weekend. It would have been great if we didn't have any plans and we could have just stayed home and gotten the toilet training fully sorted. We've been doing it for a while but not intensively because his interest wasn't always there and he didn't want to do it, but obviously after all the time of sitting on it and the toilet and us always talking about it and reading him his big boy book about going to the toilet/potty - he's ready and it happened. YAY!!!! So happy and proud :)

I had braxton hicks for the first time last night. It was so odd but nice - I really liked it because I didn't get any of them or the usual stuff with Caelan. After such a long, hard weekend of full-on work, we got into bed at about 12am after putting all the furniture back in the freshly painted room and it all started. It wasn't like tightening that some people have said they experienced it was more like really intense period pain low down which lasted about 30-60 seconds and then would ease off, then come back again after a few minutes. I immediately thought 'Cool, braxton hicks', but then did think 'Shit, hope I haven't pushed myself too hard over the weekend and bought on labour!' hehe But as I'm sitting here typing, obviously it wasn't the case!

It's so cool to have all the "normal" stuff this time round, really happy that this one is playing the game. Though I did get worried at the end of last week and think it had turned back - I went to lean forward and had a huge round thing under my ribs again. It really felt like a head, but there were a lot of big movements going on so could have been something else. Or it went back again - because it's definitely head down again now. I'm feeling really exhausted and sore after that weekend though. I'm in agony in my lower back and pubic region, bloody Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction!!!! Damn it to hell! It's quite different to when I had it with Caelan, the pain was mainly in my back with him, but this time around it's mainly in the front and WOW! talk about FREAKIN' sore!! I'll talk to the midwife about it today, she said to tell her when it got much worse and over the last two weeks it's gonna so much worse. I don't think my lack of taking it easy and putting my feet up and staying off my feet when possible as she said last time is helping. Opsy - but we've just got too much to do, it's just not possible. So due to doing the exact opposite to what I should have been doing all weekend, I'm in total agony now. After the first day of painting it was so intense that I couldn't focus on anything and had problems seeing. Last night - I wanted to cry when I walked. Ohhhh I think my boy is home - yay!! Gotta go now, I miss him so much when he's not here.

He woke up 32 this morning

Well so he reckons anyway! That was the first thing he said to me as soon as I went into his room this morning. He cried, I got out of bed, opened his door saying "Good morning", as soon as he saw me he said "I woke up 32!" I laughed asked "Did you?", "Yes. I woke up 32" he replied nodding seriously. Funny little kid. So before he's even turned 2 he's 32! hehe

He's still got his horrible hacking cough - over five months now. We hate it, it's so horrible to listen to him having these huge coughing fits every night. It sucks, we've gone a full circle! Started off with natural remedies - didn't work, tried a humidifier with eucalyptus oil - didn't work, antibiotics - didn't work, asthma medication, twice daily flixotide and ventolin as needed - did work. We're now back at square one - nothing worked at all. The poor little boy just coughs his guts out a billion times a night. It's not fair. So I'm going to look into different natural remedies, I have a naturopath friend who mentioned something that I'll try. Also, chronic cough in kids is sometimes caused by reflux so that's something to consider and get the doctor to look into more if we still get nowhere.

But aside from that he real good. Everything is going so well, he absolutely loving swimming and getting more used to Jo (the instructor) and having the other kids around him. Such a shy wee boy! He closes up heaps when anyone comes close to him and just clings to Chris, when he's given his space he's swimming and doing all the things he should. It's nice to see that getting a little better.

Well not long to go and he'll have a brother or sister and there's super good news on that front - the baby is now head down!!!!!! So excited and happy about this. We had to have a scan this morning to check the position and WAHOO it's head down. Super duper exciting. So this time I'll get a go at labour and birth as it should be - super cool! It's made me so happy because the prospect of having all our kids and not knowing what a contraction even feels like, let alone the rest of it was so sad to me. Now I get a turn too! LOL I'll probably hate it but at least I get a turn :)

First hair cut

Caelan's FINALLY had his first haircut!!!! Talk about hair that doesn't like to grow, it's all my fault of course, cause Chris' grows like weeds! Mine never grows - so unfortunately for him, he's gotten this off me. But he's had his first hair cut now, if you can really call it that! hehe The fringe was only slightly cut as it had been annoying him and falling in his eyes for a while, so I cut it a teeny tiny amount. Didn't do a straight across cut though cause I really, really don't like that! Just combed it down and held it between my fingers and cut up the strands rather than across them. He looks kinda funny, but I'm sure nobody else apart from us would even notice, nobody has said anything about it and he's seen a few people since we did it. I pointed it out to Maria this morning and she only noticed it then, so can't look as funny as we think! It just looks a little short and odd to us, but probably cause we were used to looking at it too long. Poor boy, but now he doesn't have to push it out of his eyes all the time.

He is absolutely LOVING the trampoline - it's his favourite thing in the whole world. So cute! It's an awesome thing to do a couple of times a day, he and I will play on it during the day and then him and Daddy play when Daddy gets home. Heapsa fun!

Me and Joe when he visited a couple of weeks ago. He's sooooo cool!!!


Wearing Mama's hat.


Showing George how to play Ring Around The Rosy - I'm sneezing here, can you tell??


Jumping with George.


George having fun.


George and Amia (that's how I say Maria cause I can't do it so well right now) playing on my swing.

Back to swimming

Yep Caelan's gone back to swimming - with Granddad and Grandma Clark's sponsorship. Thanks! :) A woman that used to take her daughter to Caelan's playgroup (before our time) has started up a private swim school called Blue Waves. She came in once to let us know what she offered and a bit about her facilities etc - sounded really good so we're taking Caelan there now. We loved where we used to take him but now we're living out here, the trip to Greenlane every Saturday would suck! Literally, the petrol consumption would be terrifying.

Blue Waves is great, the facilities are under their house, the pool is just as big and heated to the same level, they've got more changing rooms and space to get the kids ready. She has more classes available on a Saturday morning (whereas the only one on a Saturday was at 11am which was a pain) and we're in the 8:30am class so we still have a full day after swimming. It's great - there were only two kids at the first class of the term on Saturday, perhaps people don't want the earlier class because there were way more arriving for the next class as we were finishing up. It was great and Caelan loved it, he was really happy to be swimming again, although his shyness made things a little difficult! He would have really struggled with a big busy class now that he's older and much, much more shy.

Things are going really well, no problems at all with the move to a big bed and it's all just normal now. Yesterday he even had a sleep at a friends place in their spare double bed and there wasn't a problem, so all really good there. The toilet training is still going, he's still not showing that much interest, or he does and asks to sit on the toilet and then gets upset and says no. So we're taking it slowly and we'll get there when he's ready. I'm sure there are more things to say but I just can't think! LOL Bloody pregnancy stealing what was left of my brain. hehe

The pregnancy is going well, this baby is still breech as well but there's still time. I'm hoping with all my might it turns. I just really want to have a labour and natural birth. It'll be so strange and really sad for me to have completed our family and not have experienced any labour, not know what a contraction feels like or any of that. I know there are women out there who'll think that's mad - but hey, they've probably had the choice or experience! :)

Riding Butterscotch with Mama and the Bubba in the puku.


Happily reading my book on the toilet.


Some privacy please!


Hanging out on my bike at the park.


Wetting Daddy at swimming.


About to throw the ball to Daddy.


Sooooo much fun.


Bare bum artist.